Christians are straight up FREAKS
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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