matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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