Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
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