i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
foreskin is a definite game changer
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
