is wine microwaveable?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
