her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
