So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
