You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
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If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
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It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
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