hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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