Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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