I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
