My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
