I can feel you judging me through the phone.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
