Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
