go do what you do best...puke behind churches
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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