tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
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When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
God I need to hump something, right now.
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