there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
