brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
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