I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
