Im at strip club and am horny
But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
