I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
