Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
