I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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