currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
