Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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