Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
