I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
