Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
