nut hugger
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
