So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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