also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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