I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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