They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
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