Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
