my phone needs a breathalizer
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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