you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
now i know why i became what i already was.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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