I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Randomize
