apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Randomize
