if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize