I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
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You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize