Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
