We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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