I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Blood and glitter go together right?
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
