So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
