my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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