Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
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Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
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I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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