So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
