So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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