so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
