woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
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