you're like a bully in the Christmas story
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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