ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
