i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
