I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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