I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Randomize
