Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
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