Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
