When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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