I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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