so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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