Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
