is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
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If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
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Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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