They should really pass out barf bags in church
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
