I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
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