so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
