walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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