Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
