Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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