You just made me feel so damn special
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
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Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
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"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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