Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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