Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
