I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
