Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
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If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
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The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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