I want to have your abortion
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Randomize
