My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
